I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
