My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
