I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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