I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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