youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
