he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
