Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
