i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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