There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
