i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
