Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
