id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
