That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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