remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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