Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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