I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
