I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
