I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
