Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
