nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I came so hard my ears popped.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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