Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
