i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize