i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
