Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
