I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize