Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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