what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
