there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Still dying that you shit outside
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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