you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
