I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
