This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
