I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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