hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
