he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
