woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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