It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
