I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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