I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
