i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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