my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize