Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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