Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
