I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your penis caused this!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
