Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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