I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
