on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
