Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if only i could text you this smell
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
