he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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