I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
