If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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