so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
