I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
