i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize