I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
