i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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