I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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