I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
