If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
