The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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