I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize