imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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