KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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