Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
