Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
