Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
