Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
