I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
