Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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