Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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