hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
